Hi, friends.
I’ve gone back and forth so many times on whether I should write this blog post. Whether I should hit “publish” on the YouTube video that you’ll see below. Whether I should say anything at all, honestly.
But if there’s something I’ve always valued about my space online — whether here, on Instagram, or YouTube — it’s honesty. And today’s post is a reflection of that honesty. Raw, vulnerable, and very much still in process.
If you’ve been following me, you may have noticed that I’ve been quieter than usual. My uploads stopped. My DMs sat unanswered. I wasn’t showing up on Stories or posting like I normally do. And for weeks, I couldn’t quite find the words to explain why.
Now I think I finally can — or at least, I’m ready to try.
The Update I Never Thought I’d Film
Before I go any further, here’s the video that I recorded after weeks (months, really) of not being able to even sit in front of a camera. It’s unfiltered, unscripted, and maybe a little messy — but it’s real. I wanted to speak from the heart, and I hope it comes through.
A Diagnosis That Changed Everything
Just a few days after Christmas, someone I love very deeply — a close family member — was admitted to the hospital. At first, we thought it was something treatable. Maybe a kidney issue. Something fixable. Something scary, but not life-altering.
But everything changed on January 25, after a surgery revealed it wasn’t just a “maybe.” It was cancer. A rare form of it. And just like that, the world I knew flipped upside down.
I flew to Argentina to be there — to help, to support, to sit in hospital rooms and wait for updates and try to process something so completely surreal. I went back again in March. And while I’m back in NYC now, my heart is still very much split between two places.
Navigating Life When You’re Not Okay
Since January, everything else in my life has felt like it’s been on pause. Projects I had mapped out. Content I was excited to create. Goals I proudly set for 2025 in my notebook. All of it… paused.
It’s like this: there’s before the diagnosis, and there’s after. And once you’re in the “after,” even the smallest things feel hard. Filming a video? Felt impossible. Editing, writing captions, replying to emails? Too much. Showing up on Instagram like nothing had happened? Absolutely not.
This season of life has pushed me into survival mode. It’s messy and heavy and emotional — and if you’ve ever gone through something like this, I see you. And if you’re currently going through it, I’m hugging you through the screen.
On Grief, Guilt, and the Weight of Responsibility
One of the hardest parts of this journey has been balancing everything else — being a mom, a partner, a friend, a creator, a human. When you’re emotionally exhausted but still have people counting on you, it creates this crushing feeling of guilt. Like you should be “doing better.” Like you’re not allowed to crumble.
And yet, I’ve crumbled. More than once. In silent tears in the middle of the night, or sudden anxiety during moments that would’ve felt normal before. I’ve felt so broken, and so aware of how fragile everything is.
But at the same time, I’ve also felt incredibly lucky. Because I know some people face far worse. And that perspective is both grounding and heartbreaking.
Why I Chose to Share This Now
It took me two full months to record this video — not because I didn’t want to talk about it, but because I didn’t know how. And because this is not just my story to tell.
I’ve intentionally left out many specifics: the type of cancer, the treatments, the tests, the prognosis. Out of respect for my family member’s privacy and because no one else signed up to have their story told online.
But I did want to share how this is affecting me. Because this is my space, and many of you have been following me for years. Because I know I’m not the only one who has had their world turned upside down by a diagnosis like this. And because I believe in creating space for conversations like these — even if they’re hard, especially when they’re hard.
If You’re Going Through Something Similar…
First, I’m so sorry. I truly, deeply am.
Second, I admire you. I admire your strength if you’re showing up for others while your heart is breaking. If you’re working, parenting, creating, or just surviving — I see you, and I’m with you.
And third, if you’ve found ways to keep moving forward, I’d love to hear from you. What helped you cope? How did you balance the emotional weight of it all with the rest of your life? I’m looking into therapy, of course, but I’m also open to anything that helped you feel just a little bit more like yourself during the hard seasons.
Moving Forward, One Step at a Time
Right now, I’m taking things day by day. I’m hoping to show up again soon — not out of pressure, but because I want to. Because I love creating. Because sharing pieces of my life, even the messy ones, is part of what makes this community so special.
If you made it this far — thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your kindness, your patience, and your understanding. It means more than I can say.
And if you’re also going through something right now, whether it’s similar or not — I hope this post reminds you that you’re not alone. That your feelings are valid. That it’s okay to pause. That healing, like life, doesn’t follow a perfect script.
Sending love from NYC,
Flor 💛
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